time keeps flying by im 17 i have a job and i have no idea how i got here, im terrified of the fact that ill be 36 in just as much time as it took to become 17. my youth is pretty much over and i did not enjoy it that much at all really, i did not have any true friends or any experiences that most ppl have in their teens. i havent hung out with a friend irl in years. i barely know what true friendship, with no doubts, feels like.

i have friends that are in their 20s and going to college.

im terrified of the idea of adulthood. im terrified ill wiggle my way stuck into an unenjoyable life. im terrified ill work my way in a position where change is impossible. im terrified i wont have the courage to take risks and change my life. i have no idea how im gonna make new friends in adulthood, let alone friends i actually like. i dont know if ill ever be as comfortable goofing around and laughing and joking with anyone as much as the people i know now. i dont know life outside of school. its a routine and structure that im used to and comfortable in. im scared that ill grow up into something completely different and im scared i wont like it. im scared ill lose my curiosity and creativity. i dont know how to perserve it. im terrified i wont have free time. im terrified my work wont be able to compensate the hole left in my social life by school.

skye is my ultimate comforter. shes the only one i could probably keep around until adulthood. i hope it will work out, im terrified it wont. im terrified my flaws will overwhelm her and she will fall out of love with me. i dont know how to make friends without already having friends. who wants to be friends with someone that has no friends. who wants to hang out with someone knowing theyre the only people they hang out with. maybe its just a teen thing people will stop being weird about after high school.

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